What to Do When You Aren’t Sure of What You Want
Get clarity on what you actually want, and if your current goal is the right fit.
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I am a master of not knowing what I want…
Let me explain it this way: Ever took those personality tests? or career aptitude tests? Or well, any quiz where you answer questions about yourself?
Well, my answers always seem to fall right in the middle.
Introvert or Extrovert? Middle.
Empathetic or apathetic? Middle.
Even the career quiz I took said both a creative and “thinking” career is perfect for me.
Seriously.
Naturally, though, I am the type of person to struggle deciding what I want.
Candy. What to eat for dinner. A career. A writing niche. A degree.
It took me years to know what I wanted to do with my life. Then, after countless of courses, dropping out of college (temporarily), and getting half-way through certificate programs, I finally became a “certified confidence coach”.
I don’t coach.
But I did use what I learned to help me finally make a decision in my life.
And I hope this post, rather long and now turned into a series, will help you decide, too.
If this sounds familiar…
- You feel like you have a lot of obstacles in your way. Examples: Anxiety, procrastination, perfectionism, finance, etc.
- It feels like you are running out of time, don’t have enough time, or you hate how by the time you complete your goal you will be older than desired. Example: I got my associate’s later in life, and if I do everything on time and follow a tight plan, I will get the licensure that I need by the age of 32. But sometimes, that just feels like it’s “too late”, somehow.
- You ask yourself things such as “If I can’t even keep my room clean, how am I going to act like a responsible adult?” or “I can’t even finish my portfolio / or I’m not good enough, how am I even going to get into my dream school?”
- I can never do [goal] because of [obstacle]. Examples: My family is poor, I don’t have the time, I need to take care of the kids, my spouse/child/family member is sick, I have a chronic illness, I have a mental illness, etc.
…then read this:
I’m a writer. Always have been, always will be. Knew since I was a kid.
I mostly liked to write fiction, and one day I swear I will publish a novel. I’m finally writing a draft and working through my own obstacles. In the mean time, I have written a lot of blog posts about a variety of topics, and I loved it. Some more than others.
I have deleted most of my blog posts and blogs that I have written because I had no idea what I really wanted.
I even had a blog that started getting popular in a certain niche, but deleted it on a whim because I couldn’t take the pressure to be consistent.
When I made a medium account, I was no different.
I write a few articles, got a few followers, then stopped because I was always left with questions such as, “do I even want this?”
“What if I can’t pick a niche?”
“I can’t be consistent with this. Should I even try?”
“Do I even WANT this?”
The thing is, it’s hard to move forward when you have no clarity on what you want.
But recently, I am happy to say I got my shit together.
Here’s what I did:
I asked myself WHY.
Why am I writing on medium? Why do I WANT to write on medium? How do I know I want this? How do I feel when I write on medium?
So, how does this translate to your situation?
Try this. No, seriously.
Take out a pen/paper, or do what I did and just open up the notepad app on your computer.
Better yet, download the worksheet here. You get access, for free and without an email subscription, to a normal PDF and an online fillable PDF.
Don’t want to download anything? That’s OK. I have screenshots of the pages below, and you can just use it as a guide.
Start by identifying and writing down your obstacles.
Why should you write them down? Writing them down helps give you a clearer picture of what is going on. It gives you clarity, and clarity helps a lot when it feels like your brain is mashed potatoes and you can’t seem to answer the question, “why do I even want this goal?”
And when I say writing it down, I don’t just mean physical paper and pen. Typing it out helps a lot. Sometimes it helps better than physically writing it on paper.
Physical Obstacles
Sometimes, your obstacles will be more physical. Like… not having a car or reliable transportation (obstacle) making it hard to get a job (goal). Often times in these cases, the best thing to do is to break down your main goal into smaller goals, and then into even smaller goals.
Your aim, in this case, is to take off as much pressure on yourself as possible. More pressure does not equal more achievements, at least not for a majority of people.
Make these goals small enough to where you can ask yourself what you can get started on doing today or this week. These goals can be a set of one-time tasks, of daily or weekly or bi-weekly tasks — it doesn’t matter.
But if you punish yourself for not doing something, such as a daily task, what is the point? How does that actually help? Who made you believe that you need to be punished?
Mental Obstacles
Other times, it’s more mental. Two of the biggest mental obstacles I see, especially as a crisis intervention counselor, is anxiety and perfectionism — both which often lead to procrastination.
Of course, there are other mental obstacles too, some of which you might not be consciously aware of yet, while others are obvious.
You might have an inner critic telling you things that puts pressure on you, makes you uncomfortable, or lowers your confidence.
Or, you might think, even subconsciously, that failure is bad, that you are lazy, that you don’t actually want your goal, or that you don’t deserve your goal.
For that, I have to say one thing: Who the fuck told you that?
The rest of the document starts asking a crap load of questions. These questions are dedicated to help you…
- Identify why you want your goal — the real reason, not the crap reason you might give yourself
- Help you love it again, instead of it just being another thing on your to-do list
- Identify if you are the real obstacle
- Help you find a way to plan your next steps to achieve your goal
Keep in mind, this document isn’t the most extensive thing on earth. And, it’s not going to magically solve your problems.
It’s a simple and small worksheet for a reason. I want you to dig into each question seriously, then write it down. Many of these questions listed interweave with each other, and you have lots of space to write whether you print the PDF out or use the online fillable PDF version.
What can you expect more of in this series?
This series is meant to help you solve one main question: What to do when you aren’t sure what you want.
You can expect to find more open-ended questions, journal prompts, worksheets and activities, advice, tips, and resources — for mental health, finance, local resources, etc.
Conclusion
Enjoyed this post? Nice.
Oh, right. The usual. Clap, follow…do what you want.
Is there anything that has helped YOU in the past with identifying what you really want?
Comment below!
